Who is the *real* Sexiest Man Alive in 2024 and why is it Danny Dyer?!

You were thinking it, I just said it

I'm sorry John Krasinski for what I am about to say.

Like everyone else, I’ve become unabashedly obsessed with Rivals. It’s pure escapism: smutty as fuck, glorious cinematography, great sex, phenomenal casting, delightfully vintage outfits—the list could go on and on.

However, I will freely admit that both my husband and I exchanged a look when Danny Dyer first appeared on screen as Freddie Jones. That outfit? The fringe?? THE MOUSTACHE??? Gone was the cockney bad boy of the early noughties; who on earth was this little country bumpkin wanker in his place?! 

Well, more fool me. Because little did I expect that, after inhaling season one over the course of a few days, Danny Dyer would be topping my Fuck It list for 2024.

Hear me out.

Now, I have seen Severance countless times. I have sat through The Football Factory and Mean Machine. And yes, I’ve seen *that scene* in Skins. Yet never have I ever looked upon Danny Dyer’s face, in any character he’s ever played, and thought PHWOAR WHAT A SLICE OF SEXY PIE.

And I know there are women out there who have. I totally get the appeal of the rugged London naughty boy with working-class charm and heart of gold. But this woman? She was never me. 

Until now.

Please tell me why my Danny Dyer Lust Switch only flips when he’s transformed into an objectively worse-looking geezer with a dodgy haircut and criminal moustache? Why am I finding this hunting-cap-and-brown-sleeveless-jacket-wearing middle-aged man…so fucking sexy?

Well.

In a world where 100 men are sleeping with one woman in a day, where over 50 men slept with a drugged, unconscious woman without ever questioning it, and where 1 in 4 women have experienced domestic abuse (sorry, I know this got a bit unexpectedly deep, but stick with me), I truly believe that the sexiest thing a man can be in this day and age is…fucking soft.

The inoffensive, bumbling, harmless charm that Danny Dyer employs in Rivals is his entire sex appeal. His character, Freddie, is polite, honourable, loyal(ish), and lovable. He positively radiates warmth. And, yes, I know he has an affair, but in the words of Rupert Campbell-Black, “everybody’s doing it” and at least he’s the only male character who shows at least some guilt about his extramarital indulgences. The season even ends with him going down on his new lover in a field—arguably the ultimate display of female service (amiright?!) and one of the most satisfying sex scenes of the entire series. And, of course, what a GLORIOUS full circle moment to his first Skins appearance. YES.

And so, I put it to you that the art of being emotionally available, kind, and respectful is the new sexy. And quite frankly, it’s about fucking time.

In general, I’ve been pleased to see an (actually tangible!) shift in acceptable male behaviour in recent years, with the hangover from #MeToo still doing its thang to highlight sexual harassment, gross male behaviour, and generalised misogyny towards women. Consent and respect are finally starting to make their way back into the public consciousness following decades of pretty appalling treatment toward women. You only have to watch A Very British Scandal or American Crime Story: Impeachment—shows set in the 60s and 90s, respectively—to see how abhorrently women were treated by men and the media in the not-so-distant past. 

And, fine, I will be the first to admit that the majority of my teenage years were spent fawning over Ed Westwick’s arguably abhorrent character in Gossip Girl, Chuck Bass. I even remember the day I found out my first boyfriend cheated on me and immediately romanticised it by casting myself as Blair Waldorf in a real-life Chuck-Jenny sex scandal. I actually convinced myself it was for the plot.

Grim, right?

But I do believe that we, as a society, are getting better. We’re finally starting to pedestalize emotionally intelligent relationships. Where people actually talk to each other. And try to resolve their problems. Amicably. Like grown ups. Nobody Wants This, Normal People, Sweet Magnolias; these are all relatively recent shows that have amassed cult followings, heaps of viewer love and, most importantly, feature main male characters who are stand-up, decent blokes.

Nowadays, I doubt I’d give Chuck Bass a second glance after *that* incident on the roof in episode one. He’d be instantly relegated to my personal dungeon of ‘Hot Men Who Fucking Suck’; a list currently occupied by the likes of Shia LaBeouf, Armie Hammer, and Adam Levine, and from which it is very hard for any man pulled asunder to extricate himself from once spoiled.

Instead, more and more of us are realising that a man’s ability to listen, to care, to be open about his feelings, and to be compassionate is far more important than any tough bad boy exterior glorified in the past. In the words of Brianna Holt;

“Increasingly, women are looking for something more delicate, and young men are obliging—showing emotional vulnerability, publicly crying, going to therapy, and being the little spoon.” 

Unsurprisingly, some of my favourite male characters in recent years have been Cal Maddox (Sweet Magnolias), Nick Nelson (Heartstopper), Calum (Aftersun), Elio (Call Me By Your Name), Viscount Anthony (Bridgerton), and Noah (Nobody Wants This). 

Simply because these men are just…lovely. Respectful. Kind. (And yes, okay, absolutely fucking SMOKING HOT but that’s just a bonus). 

The rise of the emotionally intelligent man is a welcome shift toward a more considerate kind of masculinity. And while I totally agree that the traditional bad-boy allure still has its place in society (sometimes, but far more sparingly), softness and kindness have become the most desirable qualities in a man. 

Soft boys really are the men we wanted all along, ladies.

When I look at my husband now, it's no longer his eagerness to always be the first person to buy a round of shots in the pub that I find endearing. Nor how hot he looks in swimwear (#guilty). And while I still admire the cocky Cristiano-Ronaldo-alter-ego of his which appears on the football pitch every Saturday, I now find one of the sexiest things he can do is quietly tackle the laundry after dinner or get home early from an evening out so I can get a decent night’s sleep. I cried the other day when he booked a surprise pregnancy massage for me after I’d been complaining of back pain all week. It’s consideration and thoughtfulness that really gets me going these days. That’s how you’ll get me into bed, fellas.

So ladies, congratulations. We’ve finally had enough of shitty, unavailable, arrogant men. It’s 2024 and officially the sexiest thing a man can be is soft. Sorry, John Krasinski, but Danny Dyer and his moustache is the sexiest man alive right now.

New around here? vibes & voicenotes is a feisty little newsletter in which I bluntly discuss culture, life, motherhood, content recs, general fuckery, books, and anything else that tickles my fancy. Consider this the home of sarcastic musings, aggressive pontification, and the kind of voicenotes you’d only send after your sixth glass of wine. 🍷